4 Simple Ways to Improve Life for Your ADHD Child

Does your child have ADHD?

My oldest does. He is recently diagnosed. We knew he had it because all the signs were there, but it wasn’t official. And with my husband having it and all his brothers as well, it wasn’t that hard to do the math that one or all of our children would be diagnosed with ADHD.

What is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, is a common childhood mental health disorder that affects about 5% of children in America, according to the American Psychiatric Association.

However, the diagnosis of ADHD has been on the rise for the last several years and it’s an issue that parents, educators, and doctors all have to contend with. And it isn’t because all of a sudden kids wake up after vaccination and have ADHD. It has more to do with parents and educators, instead of just labeling a kid as trouble, have started to see beneath the surface. To accept that not all kids are made from the same mold and that some just have a harder time sitting still and paying attention.

ADHD is characterized by impulsivity, a lack of focus, and distractibility that are also sometimes intertwined and co-existing with other behavioral and/or developmental challenges.

Dealing with an ADHD child can be frustrating, challenging, and confusing for parents as they try to grapple with the question of why their child just won’t “behave.”

Try these techniques to learn more about ADHD and how you can cope:

1. Realize that the ADHD Brain is Different.

Researchers and scientists have shown that the brain of children with ADHD has different characteristics which are responsible for the child’s symptoms. They are not dumber than other kids, they just think diffirently.

Once you accept that your child’s brain is simply wired differently, it becomes much easier for you to keep yourself in control when faced with difficult and challenging behaviors. But it is hard. Believe me. We are emotional beings. Your child will pick up on your emotions and vice versa.

Imagine for a moment that you have a hundred different things vying for your attention without the self-control to devote your attention to just one of them. My husband tells me it is like having 20 different televisions in front of you. Each shows a different channel, at different volumes and in different languages. And the remote is gone.

The result is what a child with ADHD experiences: something grabs their attention and they go after it. This isn’t their fault, but it’s the distractibility that scrambles their brain and makes it more difficult to focus. The meme: ‘look a squirrel!’ is oddly apt for this. even if it is very simplified.

2. Respond consistently.

One of the most important things you can do when parenting your ADHD child is to use consistency when communicating with your child.

This is sometimes tough for parents because this assumes that we’re always going to have the same tone of voice and not allow our own emotional states to affect what we’re trying to communicate.

However, ADHD children need to hear the consistency in what we say and in our tone of voice.

With an ADHD child, we cannot express our expectations about something on just one occasion. Rather, we need to communicate our expectations on every occasion in just the same manner.

For example, instead of saying, “Would you please turn off the TV?” try using the child’s name as a way to tell them it is them you are talking to.

Use this same technique every time you want them to do something.

And don’t use “Can you turn off the TV?” because of course your child can turn off the tv. So he will answer you yes and then be confused when you get irritated with him because he didn’t turn off the TV. He just doesn’t understand that it is what he should be doing when you ask it like that.

Instead, use ‘Name, turn off the TV.’ it might sound harsh to tell the child what he should do, instead of asking him to do it.

But for a person with ADHD clarity trumps everything.

3. Use token economies for incentives.

This is a simple, yet consistent, behavior management approach that uses a token economy system to encourage appropriate behaviors.

When your child does something that you expect of him, he gets a reward. Thus he learns what you expect of him.

The basic idea behind this behavior management system is that the child receives a token for following a request and then he can turn in those tokens for rewards.

A token economy system can be as elaborate or as simple as you want it to be. You can use pennies, buttons, colored popsicle sticks, reward dollars, or any other number of objects as tokens.

The frequency of the rewards that you give out will depend on the nature of your individual child. A child that has immense difficulty following through, for example, will require more rewards in the beginning to achieve the desired outcome.

The idea is to eventually phase out the rewards or to spread them further apart so that the child doesn’t become dependent on them.

4. Have a schedule and a routine

This we have found works for our oldest. Most of the time.

Have a whiteboard or a magnetic board (or a combination of the two.) On this board, you can have it set up daily or weekly depending on your family’s needs.

If your child can’t read yet like mine, use pictures of different activities. otherwise, just write out what will happen during the day and/or week. This makes it easier for the child to have stability. He knows what will happen before it happens and can prepare.

Also, have one in your child’s room. This one should spell out all the daily tasks that your child needs to do after waking up and before going to bed. And be as simplistic as you want.

Again here it helps if you use pictures as well as text. So that could mean you need to list things that you think are simple to remember. In our case, we need to tell (almost nag) our oldest to change his underwear, get dressed, eat his breakfast and brush his teeth. And that is on a daily basis. He knows the routine. It is just that in his mind it is boring and therefore not that important.

Scheduling, as I said, helps ground the child. But be sure to only put up things on the board or calendar that is 100% a sure thing. You do not want the emotional fallout that could happen if the expectation isn’t meet. Then again in this world, we are giving in right now, anything can happen. But do as much as you can to minimize it for your ADHD child. They don’t do well with sudden changes in habits and routines.

In the end, parenting a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD is no easy task. It often requires help and assistance from multiple professionals, such as counselors and therapists, school staff, and special education teams. And you have to be prepared to fight for your child’s rights to a ‘normal’ childhood and schooling.

Consistency, communication, a behavior management system, and routines are all important keys to parenting success with an ADHD child.

And read as much as you can. Become an expert. Read both about how it is to live with ADHD and how it is to parent a child with ADHD.