As much as you love your toddler, and I hope we all do, parenting your young child can sometimes be frazzling and stressful! Meltdowns will happen. Be prepared.
Factor in that you might be a stay-at-home parent on call 24 hours a day and some days might make you feel like a ticking time bomb! The urge to give them away or even pay someone to take them if only to be able to use the bathroom or god forbid take a shower in peace is a thought not far away. At least not in my mind. Having a 6-year-old with ADHD and then a soon-to-be 2-year old that picks up on his brother’s quirks and mimics how his brother does when frustrated (slapping nearest big human) is so much fun. Not!
But take heart! Relief is only a few steps away.
Try these tips to diffuse your toddler’s meltdowns, or at least help you cope more positively:
- Breathe. This one is so simple! We do it automatically. Yet, in moments of stress, we tense up and almost seem to hold our breath. If you can catch yourself and notice the tension in your body, then you can remember to breathe out. And keep it up for at least 10 breaths. Focus on your breathing.
- Inhale a long, powerful breath of air. Close your eyes and feel the oxygen rushing to every cell of your body, rejuvenating and filling you with positive energy.
- Almost immediately, you’ll notice your muscles relaxing and your face softening. The emotional effects will be palpable, too. You may find that you can look upon the situation not with tired frustration, but with compassion. Here are some more tips on how to keep calm. Especially if you like me have an ADHD kid.
- Let them be. If the environment is safe and you’re at home, sometimes it can be therapeutic for your toddler if you just let them have their meltdown. Be calm, and let them cry it out. If it gets to you and you feel the need to try and comfort them, walk into another room. You will still hear them and be nearby if something happens but they loose their audience. Eventually, they’ll realize that throwing their fit doesn’t have the effect they wanted, and they’ll usually stop relying on this tactic.
- It’s not personal. Remember, your toddler isn’t purposely doing anything to you. You are simply the observer of their actions as they try to figure out how they can get what they want. They are stretching their boundaries and exploring their world. My 2 year old is expert at this. He can have a screaming tantrum for an hour. I am not kidding. But we have started communicated to him that it is pointless to stand around screaming. He won’t get what he wants with that tactic.
- If we can remember we are observers and not the intended receivers, we can approach the situation more calmly, thus reducing or eliminating the stress.
- Stay in the moment. So many times, frustration arises because our minds want the moment to go differently. Maybe you desperately need to vacuum the floor or get that last load of laundry done. Instead, go with the flow. Recognize that you can make time for the chores later and know that it is okay. Repeat after me: It is ok to leave the vacuuming to another time. Your house will not fall apart if it isn’t spotless.
- Your child will never be at this precious stage in their life ever again. What would you rather remember looking back on these early years? All the piles of clothes you folded or the treasured memories you made with your little one?
Nurture Yourself, Too
To best be there for your children, you have to be there for yourself as well. That means nurturing your body, mind, and spirit. When all three of these needs are met, it’s easier to handle stressful situations such as toddler meltdowns.
But as a mom or dad, it is hard to take that time for yourself. Because the todo list or list of chores that should have been done yesterday just keeps growing. And we are always the ones to put ourself last.
How can you nurture your own needs?
- Eat a balanced diet of nutrient dense proteins, fruits, and vegetables. There are great resources available today to help with this. Everything from recipies on Pinterest to home delivery of groceries and meal kits you just cook together.
- Make time for yourself. Even during a child’s naptime you can nurture yourself. Avoid doing chores during this time. Instead, do something that rejuvenates you. For example, take a nap, read a book, watch a movie, meditate, or talk with a friend. Doing something that makes you feel like you (and not only a mommy) does wonders for your psyche!
- Feelings of frustration are normal. Talking with a friend can help you sort out what you’re feeling and come up with ideas to see these emotions for what they are.
- Use a guided meditation video to really help you get relaxed (not for everyone I know. But hey it could be worth a try.) Here is some tips, or just go for a youtube search, like this one.
These are just a few ideas. Feel free to use them as a springboard to your own unique solutions. It never hurts to keep looking for ways we can be better parents to our next generation. Read more here on how to keep your sanity while raising this next generation.
If you can incorporate some of these tips into your daily parenting life, in moments of your toddler’s meltdowns, you can guide your little one with patience. Instead of reacting with negativity to the tantrum, you will be in a position to offer love and comfort.