How to raise kids while keeping sane?

Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? 10 Sanity-Saving Strategies to Help You Cope

Raising children can provide some of the most exciting, wondrous times of your life. But whoever said it was fun all the time to have kids, is either delusional or living in a world of nannies. I know I am not one of those moms. I try every day to raise my kids while keeping myself sane.

And some days I want to give my children away, just to get some me-time. Luckily those days are few and far between, but as some of you might have read by now my oldest has a diagnosis of ADHD. And he has become an expert in pushing my sanity to the brink.

So, I understand that you might not feel so filled with loving wonder when your kids are going through phases that are disappointing, frustrating, and challenging on several levels. I am living with it and I am going through it one day at a time.

How can you effectively handle these challenging behaviors and come out on the other side feeling the love again?

Try these strategies:

1. Identify the specific annoyance. Are you most annoyed by what your kids are saying or doing? Or is it a combination of both? Once you know exactly what it is you find irritating, you’ll be better able to address the matter successfully with your children. But also bear in mind the age of the child. It is easier to talk about behaviors with a teen than with a toddler. With that I don’t mean you should ignore bad behaviors in your toddler, just that with toddlers it can be easier to show than tell.
   
2. Collect your thoughts. Before talking to your kids about the issue, think about what you’ll say and jot it down. Lists are your friend. But don’t let it be all bad. Your child does not have to have an essay read to them when they do something wrong. One thing at a time. Determine a consequence for the annoying behavior. Be it a ban on screen time or removal of a favorite toy. Make it age appropriate. And maybe start a list of behaviours and their consequences so that you are consistent. My oldest knows in the back of his head that if he hits me or his siblings, he will lose the use of his games. He still does it but the frequency have decreased. Now it happens when he is really frustrated, tired or hungry.
   
3. Discuss the behavior during a calmer time. When you aren’t feeling annoyed, talk confidently with your kids about your concerns.
   • You might say something like, “I don’t like it when you argue and hit each other. You must stop doing those things. From now on, when you hit or argue, you’ll be placed in time-out for 5 minutes.”
     
4. Make your consequence fit the behavior. For instance, if your son, John, smacked his sister, Sue, grounding him for 2 weeks is a bit harsh. A more reasonable consequence might be that John must apologize to Sue and then sit in time-out to ponder his misdeed. He could also write sentences or clean Sue’s room for his actions. Or maybe he loose screentime for a set time. If John has ADHD it becomes a bit harder but please read this article for more tips on dicipline a kid with ADHD.
   
5. Ignore insignificant occurrences. If Jane calls Jennie a “brat,” maybe you can ignore it. After all, kids must figure out ways to problem-solve and handle annoyances on their own. Allow the kids opportunities to work it out. Simply stated, don’t sweat the small stuff. Choose your battles. It isnt worth your sanity to go the full mile all the time.
   
6. Prohibit physical fighting or lengthy yelling sessions. Place the kids in separate rooms for a short period of time if overly aggressive behaviors such as striking one another or yelling angrily continue.
   
   • It’s best to make it very clear that these types of behaviors are unacceptable and won’t be tolerated without consequences. Afterward, be optimistic that behaviors will improve.
     
7. Treat your children with respect. One important way that kids learn to respect each other is when they feel respect from the adults around them. Endeavor to model respect and personal strength so the kids know what it is. That means have respect for yourself.
   • Avoid physical contact with your kids when you’re angry.
     
   • Rather than say an angry remark you might regret later, leave the room for a few minutes.
     
   • Treating your children with respect, no matter how young they are, will pay off down the road in how they respond to others throughout their life.
     
8. Refrain from raising your voice. Instead, lower your voice to get their attention. This way, you’re likely making eye contact and having a greater impact on successfully interrupting negative behaviors. Here is some more strategies to get your kids to listen to you.
   
9. Give yourself a time-out. If you find yourself feeling angry toward your kids, take five minutes to collect your thoughts and de-stress. Of course, ensure your kids can be safely left alone while you’re taking your break. And if you still feel frustrated with your kids, try writing down your feelings in a journal. Or have a password-protected file on your computer you write or dictate in. This is just so you can process what your feelings are, not to use as a battering ram on your kids in the future.
   
10. Rather than thinking about perfection, focus on progress. When you can identify positive progress in how your kids behave, you’ll be well on the way to saner, more rewarding times with your children. Use kind words and physical affection to show that you notice their improvements. Be passionate about parenting well.
    
    • Nothing feels greater than receiving a sincere compliment. Your words of reinforcement for your kids’ positive behaviors should flow freely every day.
      
    • Remember, your kids are counting on you to show them the way to a positive, enriching life.

When your kids are driving you crazy, employ these positive techniques to get results. They’ll learn more appropriate behaviors and you’ll live a more tranquil, rewarding existence.