How to be a calm parent to an ADHD kid

The Secret to Keeping Calm with Your Kid

Being a calm parent protects your relationship with your kid and helps you to deal with challenging situations. And those situations will come up a lot if your kid has a diagnosis, like ADHD. Still, it is difficult to keep your cool around the clock. If you can, you are a saint and you can have my kids for a week. Just joking.

The struggle with being a calm parent can be especially hard when you face additional pressures such as school closings and job loss. Or just a normal working week.

As a parent, how can you remain poised when your kid throws a tantrum at the supermarket? How about when they start hanging out with a crowd who look like they’re auditioning for their own reality show? Or just being in your own home and you face a kid that is tired but doesn’t want to go to sleep?

The good news is you can make your family life more peaceful and cooperative. Try these tips to keep your cool in front of your kid.

Prevention Strategies for Being and Staying Calm:

1. Consider the reasons. Do you assume that your child is trying to undermine you? In reality, they may be too young to think through any complicated actions. Even older children may be more preoccupied with dealing with their own issues rather than opposing you. But they may be testing your limits. My 5 year old does this all the time.
2. Make rules. Many standoffs can be avoided by setting ground rules in advance. For example, agree to a family technology contract instead of arguing about phone calls during each meal. And if your kid is to young to have written rules, reinforce oral ones.
3. Remove temptations. Try to childproof your surroundings. Put fragile items out of reach. That means either put it up on high shelves or put it in storage. Lock the liquor cabinet. I don’t have this problem.. yet. I hope it will be 10 years before I have to do it.
4. Supply distractions. Be realistic about young attention spans. Run errands on your own or in the early morning when stores are less crowded. If not possible to shop alone, bring toys and videos along for long car rides. Have a smartphone or a pad around so that you can put on their fav cartoon. Or so they can play their favorite game.
5. Step away. Take a break if you feel like you’re becoming frustrated. Breathe deeply or go for a walk around the block. You’ll be less likely to say something you may regret. If home alone with small kids, just step outside for a min. It won’t do to leave the kids alone.

How to speak so that both you and your ADHD kid stay calm:

1. Lower your voice. Your child is more likely to listen if you speak softly. Be firm but kind.
2. Validate and empathize. Try to see the situation from your child’s perspective even when you disagree. Let them know that you care about their feelings.
3. Keep it simple. Use language that your child can understand. Stick to one message at a time.
4. Focus on teaching. Discipline is more about instruction than correction. Ask yourself what you want your child to learn.
5. Repeat yourself. Be prepared to go over the same material many times. Repetition helps small children to feel secure and master new tasks.
6. Encourage cooperation. Work as a team. Ask your child to assist you and present them with choices. Tell them you appreciate their setting the table when you have to work late. Kids love to be helpful, they just need a push on how to help.
7. Laugh. Humor can lighten things up. It’s okay to use your children for entertainment as long as you guide them towards becoming responsible adults. But don’t laugh at them, laugh with them.
8. Offer praise. Notice the things your children do well. Express your gratitude. Tell them that you’re proud of them for studying hard and sharing their toys with their baby brother.

Other Strategies for Staying Calm:

1. Build bonds. It will be easier to handle mishaps if you have a strong and close relationship. Spend time with your kids one-on-one and as a family. Share their interests and pay attention to what they have to say.
2. Practice self-care. You’ll also feel more stable when you eat healthy, work out, and sleep well. Ensure that your children are getting adequate sleep too. A tired and/or hungry kid is a confrontational kid.
3. Seek professional help. A family therapist can provide additional coping strategies if you’re struggling with staying calm. Ask your doctor or trusted friends for referrals.

Your kids will still lose their backpacks and share embarrassing information with your neighbors. However, skillful planning and communication can minimize conflicts and help you to collaborate with your child during stressful times. Parenting is easier and more effective when you can stay calm. And for more tips and tricks on how to work with your ADHD kid, instead of against them click here.